I've been dreaming about lace for a second dress that I won't be wearing, so then I thought tonight that a lace jacket overlay, maybe full or 3/4 sleeve would be perfect! I saw one that fit right over a similar dress, buttoning across the bust and about 4 inches above the waist?
But the photo won't post.
But then I was looking at barongs for the hubs, and of course went to mybarong.com -- whoo, check out their sale section! Too bad I'm not too keen on the white design. But google also turned up barongsrus.com -- sounds pretty sketch, I know, but I like the idea of adding tradition Filipina wear for myself! Like:
Except it's not available as a separate jacket. Though I love the embroidery + the scalloped edging! So, maybe this instead:
I know, not as dainty or beautiful, and a little odd (80's-reminiscent, yes?) But I like the tradition of it! Um, though I don't think Filipinas get married in dresses like this mestiza style anymore.
But something about the jusi or the pina-organiza fabric -- I know, it should seem tacky to me, the sheer, the sheen -- but I love it. Maybe it's the Filipina in me underneath all the Americanness.
I'm just not sure how I'm going to get my parents to come. I want them to. I do. I don't want to hear another excuse from my dad. Or what if he says he won't? Will I do it still? Part of me, a huge part of me, is doing this to give my parents a second chance to come. Or maybe a first chance again, if they want to stick to their thinking that a civil ceremony isn't real. But, it's almost like a bluff -- because, I mean, I do want our marriage recognized by the church. Um, I think. Not as much as I want my parents to recognize it, though, that's the truth.
And it's not like 5 years should be a big deal - -but you know, it is. And that's crazy -- both that my parents still haven't come around, still aren't recognizing our marriage (I mean, come on Dad, I think better of you), and I don't think that announcing to them that, "Hey, we're about to hit 5 years! Celebrate with us!" is really going to cause them to celebrate.
I guess I'm afraid that my friend Kristen is right -- that if I want it, I should just do it, family be damned. But that's what got me down the aisle the first time, without my dad walking me. And okay, chances are, nothing that I could have done would have changed things, I know this. But I also play video poker and hold the 4, 5, 7, and 8, and hope for that 6. And maybe 1 out of 6 times I hit it! Optimism or delusion or really high risk for a big payoff, maybe that's me.
But I don't want to walk this one alone. I don't want to hear that my dad isn't ready - -b/c, of course, I can't hear anything my mom says in her cold silence. But on the other hand, I don't want to wait until they're ready. Until we hit 10 years, or 20, or jeez, 25. I mean, of course I want & plan to hit those anniversaries with the hubs. But to hold out that long... I just don't think so.
And I hate thinking that I'm being stubborn again. But man, 5 years is right around the corner. Most people have to book their ceremonies for sure this far in advance! And I do want Grammy to be able to see the ceremony, too. I think. B/c she couldn't make the first one. But gosh darn, I would be very embarrassed if my parents didn't come to this one. (Sigh)
We'll see. Off to bed for me.
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