Friday, May 08, 2009
Hugs to E
Dear Sister: I love you. I'm so sorry. While I, much of the time, hated that your rants reminded me of a girl half your age going through her first relationship, maybe it helps to know that I much-disliked myself for feeling that too? Regardless -- on the one hand, I don't want your heart broken. Who wants that for someone? Just reading your note transported me back to 1996, sitting on your beautiful white wrought-iron-esque daybed, crying my eyes out. But it's not just that crying, but that Feeling. That empty heart Feeling. That empty... everything Feeling. So if you feel this way, I'm so sorry.
But can I also just say: part of me is elated. Not that I take joy in J having ended your relationship in seriously such a juvenile way. But that you get to experience this, finally -- Does that sound heartless? What I mean is, I so feared for you, that you never felt attachment, never felt more than a passing crush, never felt what approached the Deep -- And I know J didn't reach you there exactly. But that you might be feeling something beyond the surface... well, in the most loving way on my end, it gives me hope that you'll get to experience this Thing that I truly believe and hope everyone does. So um I hate to say, "Chin up," especially because perhaps in my own ignorant way I think you are doing okay -- But really, I can't wait to see what's in store for you, because now I truly Believe It will be something amazing :) And I'm so excited for when you find It :)
Now to see if you'd like me to drive in + we can shop + coffee away...