Saturday, August 01, 2009

A monologue: funny how things turn out in blogland

So, I woke up this morning at 5:30am and just couldn't get back to sleep. So I hit the computer, not really a place in mind (though weddingbee always has a bunch of new stuff to peruse, almost 24-7, it seems!)... and somehow, I eventually ended up stumbling across this, which I've seen before, but maybe y'all haven't:

And I really liked this portion of the blogger's commentary:
I liked it a lot. It's like taking what I know traditional vows coming from the bible say, but ... taking the meaning into today. Or maybe that's what was meant in the first place (though I known some hardcore patriarchal/women-should-be-subservient folk are still out there, who want to keep such that subservient-view of those vows alive today).

A-hem. I guess, as I was searching in the wee hours of the morning, into corners I don't normally go -- well, I almost started feeling bad. Because I'm not blogging anything life changing, or even remotely challenging (usually). I even came across this:

Blogalicious Site Badge
And while I get super excited when I see weddings featuring women of color, and got super excited when I saw Ten Thousand Only was asian, too, I otherwise don't think too much on race + blogging. (Not so much gender, since most of my blog reads relate to home styling or weddings, which are predominantly covered by women -- or maybe I just find fabulous women to read!) And then I wondered whether I'm neglecting ... I don't even know who!

And then I got to wondering ... well, does race really matter? And trust me, it was hard for me to type that. But in blogland -- I mean, the whole point of going online is a sort of anonymity -- or perhaps, homonymity, right? I mean, everyone you're "seeing" online has access to a computer. And whatever it is that makes you "follow" them or friend them online -- well, it's because of your common interests, or your perception of that commonality, right? And you don't know what that other person looks like (usually).

Although yeah, sometimes I think you need support + are more comfortable with certain topics with your peers -- and that is racially or ethnic based sometimes. Like... I've certain issues that I won't explore here. And, while everyone means well when they try to comfort me, honestly, I've found the most understanding coming from other asians -- bc my issue is a bit more culturally based. And it's easy to look at my issue + go, Jeez, that is seriously crazy. But somehow, while hearing that helps a lot :), hearing someone else go, "Yeah, sucks huh? I've been there," and just *knowing* someone else has gone through this -- Well, that feeling is universal, I imagine, and sometimes that experience ---- although I bet it sounds crazy ---- really can only be felt by someone of your same ethnic background.

But yet I know, when I studied in Denmark, my host parents asked me all the time why I identified myself as asian, when I look, sound, and act American. And I was flabbergasted -- I don't know why, but ... well, I know I should beyond the skin, and it's not like I walk around all the time super consciously. But ... I guess bc we see, depending on where we look, all kinds of lines drawn by race. Like, I'm terrible at reading current events, but did you guys catch this news story about the individual who was trying to get into his own house, but had forgotten a key, so was trying to enter through "other means "?

Obama even commented on this story in a press conference -- and maybe that's where the controversy picked up. Although, to read the commenter poetopoet's account here, and after reading the arresting officer's involvement and recommendations, maybe the whole situation is not as, well, black and white. Double meaning intended.

Anyway. To come back to, well, me -- these heavy issues aren't what I explore here. And I was feeling bad that I don't reallynbring intellectual stimulation to the forefront.

Except gosh darn, why should my brain have to be on all day long, all the time anyway? My job has pretty terrific hours, but gosh darn, my brain hurts sometimes.

So, I'm back to square one, which is a fab place to be, to me: Creating something -- well, more accurately, collecting other people's things -- of beauty (and occasionally fun), because sometimes you need that breath of fresh air, the whiff of something delightful -- just something light to keep your head above water.

And I'm gonna embrace myself. Whoo, self love.

And, to come truly full circle (like any good essay!) -- surprisingly, I came across a blog post by my husband. He writes so infrequently, I've forgotten :D, though he got called out by one of my friends on it, so he did :)

And in it, he literally writes, "The Rib and I are in the midst of planning a Vegas trip ..." Yes, he calls me The Rib. I'd forgotten about that. And it *cracks* me up, I love it.

Mmmm, monologue done.

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